I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?

Tell me that the check out clerk at Publix couldn't tell I was spending this weekend alone with these purchases:

• Pizza "for one"
• small ice cream
• large bottle of wine
• very large dog bone
• toilet paper

So what if this is my idea of a great Friday? Who says I need my boyfriend here to have a good time? I have decided to create a list of reasons why I am happy - that's right- HAPPY my boyfriend is currently not living here with me (and no- I didn't get dumped- he's in NY till Oct.)

1. I can eat the same meal every single night for dinner- like my favorite popcorn and wine
2. Two words: Granny Panties- and not the cute boy shorts kind- I'm talking Target Fruit of the Loom 5 pack.
3. Last weekend I rented Twilight, Rachel at Wedding, and Confessions of a Shopaholic. enough said.
4. I can sleep in the middle of the bed... with Bunkie
5. I can watch of Say Yes to the Dress or any other wedding show of my choosing without worrying about him running for the hills.
6. Less laundry
7. I can come home and immediately change into my pajama pants and tank top... okay, okay- I totally do that when he is here too
   
   

Alright. I can only think of 7. He needs to move here quick before I turn into a fat hermit.

Are you ready for some football?

**sorry for the delay in posts- I've been sick for the past 5 days**

With football season upon us... I decided to post pictures of my first Bucs game. My good friend Angela gave Crystal and I tickets. This was the day after I accidentally dyed my hair black.

This next picture is everyone shotgunning a beer- something I do not know how to do... perhaps that should be my goal for this football season.

Rewind Wednesday - Pound Puppy

Here is a picture of when I first got Bunkie. She's my little pound puppy and I love her with all my heart.

**isn't she the cutest?**

He took me to mansion but I don't mean the club

Woke up at 4am today to catch my flight back home from NY. I had a great weekend with Abbie. Just to make all you girls jealous out there- My first night there he took me to his golf course to watch the perseid meteor shower. It was very sweet and very romantic.

My last night there we stayed in a mansion.

Where we had beers...

Beers...
and more beers...

Shenanigans...

pool and beers...

beer and beers...

Rewind Wednesday

St. Patty's Day 2006- Crystal, Casey, Sasha and I all went to the Rascal Flatts concert in Fort Myers. Donning our best cowboy hats, we sat through 2 opening acts only to learn that Rascal Flatts were" sick" and the concert was cancelled. (we later heard that they were actually too drunk to preform- which made me stop being a fan).

Best part of the night was the 4 of us in Sasha's car singing "I'm proud to be an American" at the top of our lungs.

What are you thinking?

Ashley's Tuesday thoughts...

• Ann Curry says "good morning" at least 3 times every day within the first 5 seconds of being on air.
• Who in this gym is getting pumped up to the Rod Stewart song that is playing?
• How is there only $25 in my checking account?!
• If you lived in Vietnam would you feel compelled to shout "GOOOOD MOOORRNNINNGG VIIIEETTNAMMMM!" everyday?
• Thanks Subway- we've got it- $5 footlongs. Let's move on shall we?
• I'm moving to France where they get 5 weeks paid vacation.
• You are not THAT busy if you are able to update your Facebook every hour about how busy you are.
• Remember Herman's Head? That was a great show.
• Remember Parker Lewis Can't Lose? That was a great show.

Photo source

Knowing is half the battle...

Today I heard a commercial for the new GI Joe movie. At the end it says "may not be suitable for children under 13."

Um, HELLO!? GI Joe was created for children under 13!

Welcome to Central Florida

"Listen" to this crazy story.

This weekend I went to visit my parents. Being the doting grandparents they are- they fed my dog Bunkie lots and lots of people treats causing her to have an upset stomach.

Driving back home I notice Bunkie doing the "I'm going to shit right now" dance in my backseat. I quickly pulled off the road and into the parking lot of a funeral home (that was closed). I immediately took her to the very corner of the funeral home lawn. I purposely took her where I I thought no one would be walking. When she was done dropping her disaster I went back to my car.

At that time a big truck with a trailer that says "Lawn Maintenance" comes roaring up behind me.

Redneck Jerkface: "I KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO CLEAN THAT UP SO I DON'T STEP IN IT WHEN I MOW THIS LAWN TOMORROW!"

Me (stunned): "I'm sorry. I don't have any plastic bags- do you have one and I'll pick it up?"

Redneck Jerkface: "ROAR ROAR GRUMBLE GRUMBLE."

Me (still stunned): "I'm sorry, I am not from here and she was going to poop in my car what else was I supposed to do?"

Then he drove off as fast as he could just to turn around and go back home.

It bothered me the whole 2 hour drive back. Here are my thoughts:

• I always pick up my dog's poo but I honestly didn't have anything to pick it up with and even if I did was I supposed to drive the next 2 hours with the smell of poo in my car?
• He would have done the same thing if he were me.
• Why did he have to be so damn rude?
• It was going to rain any minute anyway- it would have been washed away anyway.
• Was he just lurking around the corner waiting to yell at me?
• I wish I were a bitch and just yelled right back at him.
• I am going to bring Bunkie to poop here every single time I go home.
• If he saw where she pooped couldn't he have just avoided that spot?
• He is a very angry person- I feel sorry for his children.

Here is a diagram to show how considerate I was in picking her poo spot. I made sure her disaster wouldn't be in the way of anyone that might be at the funeral home the next day.

What would you have done? Was I in the wrong?

side note- I totally expected him to come flying up beside me and chuck poo at my car. I kept looking in my rear view. I've lived in Central FL long enough to know the ways of the Redneck.