PSA- check your credit report!

Listen to this mess.

The Golfer and I have been trying to buy a condo for about a month now. We have the biggest bunch of clowns working for us to make this happen. Now, everyone says they felt the same way when they bought a house- blah, blah, blah. But I wonder how many people have had this happen to them... (intrigued aren't you?)

Our first mistake is not having our own Realtor- we went with the selling agent. In fact, we have never even met our Realtor- so we really have no one on our side looking out for our best interests.

Moving on... the real issue is with our Mortgage Broker who we refer to as "Mo Bro" because he talks as if he is a 21 year old, smoking his bong all day long. (we have never met him either)Friday was our closing day and despite 3 extensions and a $1,500 increase in our closing costs- the closing was going to happen. I go in at 10:30 and sign my life away on a the largest packet of papers I've ever seen. While signing, I noticed that my SS# was incorrect on every paper. Directed by the title lady- I crossed off the incorrect number and wrote in the correct one. I even made a joke about Mo Bro being a F*** up and not correcting the SS# when I noticed the mistake MONTHS ago.

So I'm waiting and waiting to hear from my Realtor about when/where I can get the key to my new place (she was conveniently decided to go to Miami on our closing date). Around 4:30 I was informed that my loan was back in underwriting because the entire loan had been based on someone else's SS#!!! Now, my Mo Bro says this is not the case, that something else has caused a delay in me getting my key, but another person from his company says that it is in fact, in underwriting. Now I have $9,500 out of my checking account, no key to my condo, and no idea what is going on!

So, let this be a lesson to everyone. Check your credit reports! Because some poor unsuspecting person has had their credit ran, god knows how many times, for a condo they know nothing about!

Everyone out there please send happy thoughts that I get this condo. I think at this point they should just give it to me. That seems fair, right?

**I like to include pictures with each post but my camera is broke. I've chosen this kitten to represent my frustration because nothing shows anger like a cute kitten that appears to be screaming.

F the Polar Bears

We've all seen the Noah Wyle PSA about polar bears. It's so obnoxious. Polar bears? Really? I'm from Florida, I say that we save the manatee. They've been on the endagered species list forever! Where are the celebrities lining up for this cause? Manatees are called gentle giants. Never will a manatee maul you to death. Manatees are curious, friendly, herbivores. Polar bears are vicious, unpredictable carnivores. F polar bears! That's what I say!

** this my friends, is a pin that my brother bought me when I was in 3rd grade. I begged for this thing. ha.**

So I wanted to add the actual Noah Wyle commercial and found this. Apparently I am not the only one that thinks this is ridiculous.

ooops! I did it again...

Apparently I haven't learned from my mistakes. I dyed my hair last night and I guess I left it in too long because instead of a nice chocolate brown my hair is Bunkie black. It looks like I'll be spending my weekend at the beach trying to lighten this mess up.

I took this picture at work today to show Jen my hair- and realized that I have a hole in my shirt! This is not a good start to my day...

Public Service Announcement

Just wanted to let everyone know that Blockbuster is charging late fees again!

MVICE

Attention guy in a maroon 1997 thunderbird with rims and blue high-beam lights with the license plate MVICE... you're a jerk! Stay out of Naples ass wipe.

Do not go to the Hair Cuttery!

In an effort to save money I decided to forego my usual $60 haircut at Felix Andrews Salon and go for a simple trim at the Hair Cuttery.

Never again! My hairdresser was clearly hung over from the night before as she reeked of beer and cigarettes. Her hair didn’t even look washed.

ATTENTION HAIRDRESSERS: IF YOUR JOB IS MAKING HAIR LOOK GOOD- YOU SHOULD AT THE VERY LEAST WASH YOUR OWN HAIR BEFORE GOING TO WORK!

According to the very large sign posted in their waiting room- my hair cut was supposed to be $23. Somehow my bill came to $40 though. I was duped with a $7 “long hair” fee and an iron fee of $10 for the two tiny pieces she flat ironed- which by-the-way I tried to stop her hung over ass from doing because I wasn’t sure she was capable of NOT burning me.

I made out easy though. Another lady was getting her hair dyed. Upon the big reveal, I hear her hairdresser exclaim: “Now don’t worry, I can fix this! I promise your hair won’t look like this before you leave!”

The Hair Cuttery will now be added to the list of Naples’ businesses with poor customer service…right next to AT&T.

We didn't have no internet

Since today is the first day of fall, I would like to start a petition for radio stations to stop playing All Summer Long ever again because it has literally been playing ALL SUMMER LONG. I swear if I hear Kid Rock one more time I’m going to punch a wall. It is on the radio every other song and is considered both a country and pop song- so there is no escaping the beyond horrible lyrics of this so- called summer anthem.

“We didn't have no Internet (double negative) But man I never will forget
The way the moonlight shined upon her hair”

AND THE CLASSIC…

“And we were trying different things
We were smoking funny things”

Seriously? Did he just rhyme “things” with “things”? The video to this brainless ditty is equally as terrible, with one scene being a boat with a stripper pole on the back and hooched out geishas dancing around it in their bikinis. I feel sorry for our younger generation of women who look at these DGs as something that is desirable.

Karma

Attention all Naples Yoga Instructors!

Know that you are accumulating very bad karma because of the ridiculously high prices you charge for your classes which force me to do yoga at home with Bunks and the devil kitty. I hope you come back in your next life as a (downward facing) dog.

You're very rude!

Don't throw your shit in my trash can... especially your smelly ass food... and especially since you have your own trash can! It's rude!

"I'll be right with you"

Let's talk about a little thing call CUSTOMER SERVICE. Something that the employees at AT&T, Staples and Pier 1 of Naples know nothing about.

Even when I was sixteen years old, working at Sears in the Junior's Department, I knew how to provide quality customer service.

This week at both Staples and Pier 1 in Naples (yes, i am calling you out) I was waiting to check out and the employee was busy working on something when I walked up (understandable). However, both employees at both stores didn't even acknowledge me until they were done (rude). IT IS COMMON COURTESY TO SAY "I'll be right with you." so that I am not just standing there wondering if I have somehow made myself invisible to the clerk!

And my customer service at AT&T off of Radio Road was the WORST. The salesgirl didn't even get off her chair and walk around the counter to help me. She instead barked instructions from a seated position while typing a text to her friend. FURTHERMORE- I made it clear that I was in a hurry to buy the phone that was out of stock. She said that she would call me as soon as it was in. What she failed to mention was that she had the next day off. Good thing I called or else I would have never known the phone was in and ready to be picked up!WTF!

rude. rude. rude.

*** on a happier note... is my new phone cute or what!?! ***