I give them cigarettes and their eyes light up!

I'm moving over my MySpace blogs to this one to double your pleasure. This one is from my weekend with Jen in Orlando:

• “Hi I’m Garret” – Wow Garret you look really drunk. “I do?” Yeah- your eyes aren’t even open.
• Stop leaning on the heater! You are going to set me on fire!
• I was in the bathroom and these girls were talking about me! Let’s go beat that white trash whore’s ass!
• Yeah we like to help the homeless. I give them a pack of cigarettes and their eyes light up!
• He acts like he’s helping them- but he is just passively killing off the homeless via lung cancer.
• Can we go downstairs where the drinks are $2? Wow, your shirt is free and you only buy $2 drinks- you are really selling yourself here!
• “STOP! - on the count of 3 I want everyone to break it down!” (I’m the only one “breaking it down”) Hey you- I saw you- good work.
• (my signature on the receipt)
• I want you to talk to this girl while I’m in the bathroom. Hi, I’m Ashley. See? You already have so much in common.
• Are you with her? (kisses Jen’s hand)
• They sell soap in France? I thought the French didn’t bathe- no one is going to buy that shit
• Is that your girl Anthony? Want us to pretend we don’t know you? Or should we stand in line and talk you up?
• He’s a Crippie. A crippled hippie… I’m going to hell
• Look at that crazy tan line! She looks like she is wearing thigh highs!
• I don’t think anyone here owns a mirror at home
• I looked back at you guys to see if you saw her belly- I can’t believe no one had a reaction!
• Raise the roof!
• I’ll pretend it tastes like marshmallows if you let me have some more.
• Well… he’s either really smart or he’s a great liar
• I need a cigar- I feel like Monica Lewinsky
• (my French impression)
• David Beckham represents America?!?
• Is that a Regan Doll? (goes straight to the counter to buy it)
• I just remembered that you rearranged Jen’s top eight. That’s right Bryan – you are still #2. I’m going to call you #2 all day long.
• (me and Bryan starring in the mirror talking about cavities)